i see myself, in the present, as a stranger treking around in a broken world, mostly just taking up breathing room. i see myself to be, or i want to be a person who is at peace with themselves...i guess that would basically be it...i probably could go into more detail, but that is what it boils down to.

how do i reconcile who i want to be with who i am...because i am not who i want to be?

it seems like no days are my days...it seems like everyday i say to myself that this just isn't my day...what the fuzz?

sthguoht emos

so i am involved in this project called 'have2give1', and we were discussing what it looks like to follow jesus, taking his words and living them out. what does it mean to follow the 'jesus way.' one thing we came up with is contentment. now, one may assume that it means to be content with what one has..that is possessions, like your car or house or clothes...but i would take it a step further and say that it is contentment with myself. now bare with me, but if i am content with myself then that gives me freedom. that frees me from the snares of this world. when i see an advertisement, i take it as, "buy this and you will be complete, you will be enough", but if i am content with myself then i don't buy into that logic and that frees me from the rules of this world. that allows me to love myself and have a proper view of myself...because without a proper view of oneself, i think that one cannot have a proper view of god, and if your view of god is skewed, then i think that then your relationship will be off, aswell. the things that the world values, or uses as it scale to measure value does not apply to me. i am free. my possessions and income have no bearing on my value or identity. being content with who god made me, flaws and all. i am beautiful and valuable because i am a child of the god of the universe, which is the same king that stepped down from his thrown in order to rescue me...to save me...to purchase me. so i think that this step is key in following jesus because as i stated before, if you aren't content with yourself, then why would you be content with god? my view of god is distorted by my view of myself. think better about myself and my relationship with christ will improve. i am frustrated with you lord, is that because i am frustrated with myself?

and now for some prose:
i cannot sing a hymn,
or write a verse.
i cannot paint a portrait,
or sculpt a masterpiece.
i cannot compose a symphony,
or play an instrument.
but i am beautiful.
but i am beautiful.
and my father loves me.

today is just not my day

i want to love myself
i want to accept who i am
who i was made to be
but i see so many flaws
wanting in so many areas
mistakes in craftmanship, sometimes i think
alas, i was made with these lacking for a reason
love yourself, for who am i to question god's design?