i don't know who you are,
but i am searching for you.
the idea of you has been with me since before time
enjoying purply skies with shared moments of bliss
i can't see your face, but i know your touch, know your smile.
explanation is not available to my words.
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this string is so fragile
i am terrified that the slightest breathe might shatter it

Two Things

first, can you love yourself, but not like yourself at the same time?

second, a quote from donald miller that rocked my world today, "It is a very different thing to break a rule than it is to cheat on a lover."

gain through sacrifice

i read something today in the relevant leader, that is the little insert in the relevant media network box we get at church that explains what is in the box. anyways, i read an article about gaining through sacrifice, or gaining through giving up things. it talks about how we hang on to things because they are familiar and comfortable, but not necessarily the best for us. it said that maybe those things that we hold on to are actually holding us back. if only we would venture out and sacrifice those things, then we would see something better. we would gain something incredible if only we would give up those easy, familiar things that we cling to. so that reminded me of this quote that i love by thomas merton..."my lord god, i have no idea where i am going. i do not see the road ahead of me. i cannot know for certain where it will end, nor do i really know myself, and the fact that i think that i am following your will does not mean that i am actually doing so. but i believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you." thomas merton

games

this is a poem i wrote awhile ago, but i like it, so i republished it.

we play hide and seek,
you and i.
you forever hiding,
and i,
forever seeking,
but you hide in spaces i cannot reach,
in worlds i do not exist,
in realities i cannot fathom.
but i cannot give up the search,
cannot give up hope,
that one day
i will find you.

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my spirit is worn,
to the point where i don't know
what i am doing
where i am going
who i am.
maybe the parts worn away were only
parts that needed to be removed.
rough spots on the exterior of my beauty.
so now, i must rely on god for
what to do,
where to go,
who to be.

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i am so fuckin broken that i cannot sleep,
the tears that roll down my cheek are too familiar,
screaming,
unattractive, unloveable, undesirable.

no title

the response i have is ineffable.
i am incapable of using this medium;
words, thoughts, prayers, songs
inadequate,
they cannot capture my answer entirely.
i want to offer something of worth,
but i do not possess such things.
all i can offer is me
broken, used, borrowed, and wounded.