day i got back

here is something that came to me as i was driving on the day i got back from ghana:

comin home seems like a dream to me
i've got to hold on to these memories
steppin off the plane felt fake
like i never really left this place
maybe i slept and imagined it
but at the same time home doesn't seem real in the least bit
two different worlds the one i left
and the one i came home to
maybe it's me the change happened to

?women?

i am completely and irrevocably confused/frustrated/dumbfounded/insert any other synonyms with girls. they are so mysterious, which i like. i mean mystery is a good thing. our god is super mysterious, but at the same time, i am wholy at loss for what to do. i just don't understand.

college is a huge waiste of time. i have said it before and i will say it again. i have a college degree, but yet i can't get a job, so why did i waiste all that time sitting in classrooms?

something i read today

there is a crack, a crack in everything.
that's how the light gets in.
-leonard cohen

Inadequate words

i want to describe what my experience in ghana was like. to paint a picture of sorts, but words seem so inadequate. i can't seem to describe it. to share stories doesn't seem to work because they only work with the images that i have been given. even the healing that occured in my own soul cannot be captured with words. . .it so transcends words. d

Something from old

you and i collide
we meet where the pink hue meets the dark mass
where the orange globe floats on the wet blue liquid
where the grass bends to the mighty melodious song

What's taken me so long

i apologize for my lack of posts as of late. i have been busy lately cleaning out my old room. i am moving to rocklin, and my little sister is moving into my old room, so i am in the process of cleaning. who knew i had so much stuff? anyway, more to come soon.

I'm still in Ghana

so i have tried and tried and i have failed and failed. i can't get the pixs to upload to my blog. the connection keeps timing out, so i guess you will have to wait to see the pixs. oh well. but i can still share stories. so today is sunday and the matron of the hospital invited me to go to church with her. she goes to a pentacostal church, now mind you i have never been to a pentacostal church, but i had i images in mind. it was. . .good and fun and awkward and embarrassing. . .if you ever come to ghana and decide to go to church just know that any church you go to you will have to stand up in front of the congregation and introduce yourself, so just be ready, you have been warned. i had to introduce myself the first time i went to church in ghana, which is another story altogether, and i had to introduce myself this morning. this time wasn't so bad, there were only about thirty people there, but still anybody who knows me, knows that i do not do well in front of large groups of people, especially when they are complete strangers and we hardly speak the same language. anyways, i did as i was told and told them the basic info: name, where i am staying in ghana, where i am from, and what church i attend at home. the music and dancing part of the service was awesome to see. of course, i couldn't understand the words, but it was still an awesome sight and sound to behold. when the service was over, people were shaking my hands because i was new. and then this little girl, who couldn't have been more than two or three, came over and without saying a word grabbed my left pinky and just stood there beside me. it was the most peculiar thing. i looked at her and smiled and asked her name, but she didn't respond. either she didn't speak english, or she just wanted to hold my finger and not talk. she was the cutest kid i have ever seen, and i wanted to keep her for my own. even when i went to leave, she followed, tightly clenched to my little finger, but then someone came and took her, i assume her parent or sibling. i didn't have my camera, otherwise i would have surely taken pictures of her.
i got some roommates today. some CHOs, community health officers, came for the week to observe the nurse stations that nkwanta has set up in the villages to break the distance barrier between the villages and the hospital. so this week hopefully won't be so lonely. so that is my update for now.

This is my first time in Africa

I arrived at Kotoka International Airport at about 7 pm on Thursday evening. It took forever to go through the check in process. It wasn't even customs...i just walked through customs, but before you get to customs, you have to check in, and that took forever. My driver picked up outside and we headed for my home for the next two days. I booked a room at Crystal Hostel, but I was taken to somebody else's house because there wasn't room for me at the hostel. So we arrived, and I went to bed. It had been a long journey from San Francisco. The next day I went to town with a guy that I was staying with. We went to see the Supreme Court, and this memorial park for Ghana's first president after they gained independence. Accra, that's the name of the city, was CROWDED. I mean people everywhere. And the traffic was like I have never seen. It takes forever AND a day to get anywhere.

A Test

i was just testing to see if i could upload pictures to my blog. these are from our yosemite trip 2006. we went over father's day weekend. it was fan-flippin-tastic.

AFRICA

I am going to AFRICA!!!! Ghana to be exact. Wild ride this life. I am so excited and in a dream like state.

inspired by a stranger

i know we are strangers
meeting just this night
but i hope that more than physicality
would pass through this embrace
know that my heart breaks with yours
my tears are spilt with yours
my spirit is wounded alongside yours
find comfort in company

How arrogant of me to think that I can justify Christ's sacrifice!

faceless ghost

On my way to Rocklin yesterday to see my good friend Andy, I was struck by something, and I had to pull off the freeway to write it down. I share it with you now,

I am emotionally unstable.
I am not willing or even possibly able
To take this step you are asking me to take,
To bear this cross,
To break where you are asking me to break.
How can I help those
Love those
Forgive those
Who need it
Who require it
Who deserve it,
When i cannot
Love myself
Help myself
Or forgive myself
When I need it?

I am just trying to love this man that I am,
To make him the best that he can
Be,
Loving the most,
Hearing the most,
Helping the most,
Understanding the most,
Forgiving the most,
Healing the most,
All the while on this crazy journey
To bring glory and honor to the Heavenly host.
So when I am laid to rest,
Remember me only as a faceless ghost.

I hate being socially retarded/relationally inept.

wow. today was a really hard day. i almost lost it a couple of times. i suck........sometimes.

not finished yet

wasted space with,
dying dreams
that consist of,
worthless words

inspired on the streets of aging (still in progress)

this is my street
this is my block, my hood
that's my bubble gum
house that sits on this
avenue of busyness and chaos
sleeping on the sidewalk of sirens and traffic
in the middle of the ghetto
surrounded by portraits
painted by faceless street artists
canvases of buiding sides, fences, signs

that house wreaks of memories
so thick i can smell them in my nostrils even now, miles away
the lovely fragrance causes my eyes to tear
those walls of lies and laughter and family gatherings
the christmases, easters, birthdays, no reasons

i am freaking out because of uncertainty and lack of direction


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
if you want to change society, then you must tell an alternative story.
- ivan illich

don't take my lack of conversation as lack of interest.
it is quite the opposite,
i am so captivated by your existence,
painting your table with salt,
that words evade my mouth.
a myriad of thoughts dance in my space,
but you scare me into silence,
for i am fragile and easily broken.
those moments of silence are not awkward,
but cherished that you would choose to share them with me.