saved

and if this ground gives way
i just hope that you'll catch me
-spill canvas

i just want to crawl into a f---ing cave...
can i catch a break?
can i shake
this shadow that hovers
i just want to crawl into a f'in cave
and pull over my head, the covers.

more news

i got denied from albany medical college. i guess i shouldn't feel too bad though, of the 9,000 who applied, 8,870 will be denied. oh, and the classes i need to take at de anza college to get into a master's of nursing program are full. and the hits just keep on coming.

i mourn
for the man
that i could be
and, i mourn
for the man
that i am.
memories and broken promises
shattered across
that hurt so bad.
i mourn for the
story never told
the journey never to unfold

i don't want to hurt anymore

i am done...

i have nothing positive to say...

fuck this place...

i don't want to play anymore...

i've

i've died another time
i've already sung
i've already fucked this up
i've lost my mind

ani

fuck this time and place
-ani difranco

rocky

i saw rocky votolato on sunday night at bottom of the hill in san francisco. wow, it was a fabulous show. the other two bands were phenomenal as well, slender means and jesse sykes and the sweet hereafter. i love live music

Must See

if you haven't already, you have to watch the walmart movie:the high cost of low prices. it's on youtube in 11 parts.

more disappointment

i got denied from rosalind franklin and medical college of wisconsin

I am stuck in this dark
The more I try to move
The more it seems I lose
My way

UC Davis

I was just denied by uc davis. it seems harder and harder as of late to find the motivation just to get out of bed. i guess heartache is the price you pay when you believe in your dreams....

This is my reality

Rejection from George Washington University found its way into my mailbox and into my consciousness

Wedding dress song

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side

Cause I am so easily satisfied
By the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

-Derek Webb

guess i was wrong

i always thought the point of education was to give the teacher the answer they wanted. who knew it was actually supposed to be about learning. "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."
- Malcolm Forbes

why

why is it that healing is always so painful and difficult?

I do

Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work.
- Gallagher

all i want to do is believe

it's too hard to sit by
wishing, hoping, wanting to be more
i must find the courage to walk through the door
but my body is torn in two
bruised and broken and black and blue
the one part content to do nothing
the other caged in a prison of clothing
stitched with mental thread

Don't speak

your female parts
capture me,
seem to speak to my heart.
please don't try to converse
or speak any verbs,
all i need to hear
happens without
any sounds
uttered or heard.
i know this all
may sound
a little more
than absurd,
but so much more
can be said
without words.