Monday, July 04, 2005

again with the bambling

i have this ache inside of me...it feels like i am not doing what i am suppose to be doing. or maybe that's just life. pain. lose. confusion. frustration. all a part of life i guess. i don't know what to do with myself. i am losing my mind. i can't control these thoughts. i can't escape these images. is this the way it is suppose to be? i studied a little today. i went through and did some verbal reasoning exercises. it actually went pretty well. that is until i got to my parents house and turned on the tv. it is still on. i haven't studied since i got here. it is so stinkin hot. i am afraid to write down some of these thougths and emotion and feelings for fear that they might be dark and depressing and i am trying to stay away from those kind. it's like a constant battle in my head. i don't have a single clear moment. no clarity. always clouded. always fighting. i am tired. i need rest. from this life. i cry too much. sometimes i don't even know why. i just cry. hurt, but i don't know why i hurt. i don't know the source.

i am a beautiful creation
even if i don't think so
i was made for a reason
for a purpose
waiting to be fulfilled
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there is so much i keep to myself
wanting to share
waiting to share
but no one comes to listen
all alone in a crowd
i am haunted by inadequacies

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