sri lankan potluck

tonight, there was a potluck at curt and debbie's house for andy, stephen, and adam because they are leaving for sri lanka on sunday morning for three weeks. so some people got together to pray over them and for fellowship. on the way there danny, mike, and i stopped at michael's to see giselle. i think i was kind of mean to her. i didn't mean to be, i was just being honest. i said that her dad didn't leave messages when he called because it didn't matter if he did, she still wouldn't call him back. and i was ragging on her about calling him. she said that it's been too long. like her window is closed. she can no longer talk to her dad. but i don't think she understands how much craig misses her and loves her and wants to talk to her, to see that she is alright, that she is alive even. i don't understand why she won't call anyone back. i mean i know, or at least i should know, that she isn't going to call me back, but still when i leave her a message, i half think that she will. and it hurts. i guess i should just expect her not to call, and if she ever does, then i will be pleasantly surprised. i don't know why it hurts, it just does. i don't know. i dream about her all the frickin time though, and it is starting to get annoying. i mean it isn't like the dreams before. now, it's just like she is in my dreams. i shouldn't say that i dream about her. i should say that she is in my dreams. she makes appearances. but i still remember when i first started dreaming about her. waking in the morning smelling her in my nose, seeing her with my eyes, feeling her skin, knowing that she was made for me and i was made for her. that is a weird feeling to wake up to. i mean it would be a great feeling to have in reality. but when it is only a dream, it is weird. frustrating. i don't know what to do. keep pursuing i guess. it was good to see chris and curt and debbie and andy. i love those palmers. more than they know. beautiful people.
my dreams are tainted with your image
your touch
your smell
i long to talk to you
to hold you
to love you
but you hide from me
from everyone
why?

don't you see you are a beautiful creation
loved and forgiven and free
the only chains that bind you
are the ones you create
step into the light
where you are supposed to be
where you were created to be
you are lovely