ponderings of longings

well...it's been awhile since i have "blogged"...for a few weeks it was because i didn't really have access to a computer in order to type my thoughts, but for the last few weeks, i guess i was just so busy studying...yeah, you read that right, i was studying. i took that mcat again, that is for the second time. august 20th. that was the fateful day. weeks and weeks of preparation. i got a 33. i have to believe that. i have to. i don't have a choice, but do my thoughts really have an impact on how i did? i mean i can see how they could when i was studying for the test and then again on the test day, but now that it is done and gone, do my thoughts influence my score? i don't know...does it even matter. maybe i won't score well, but that is only because i am not supposed to go to medical school. maybe i am meant for a purpose that is yet to be revealed. they say God is mysterious, so who knows what He has up His sleeve. all i do know is that this longing inside of my depths, that groans and aches, will not go away. i feel like there is something that i am supposed to be doing right now, but i don't know what.