still thinking out loud

is it selfish of me to want a partner to join me on this road? i mean sometimes i feel like i just need to leave and go somewhere to love people and to serve god. i feel like i am being selfish because i want to get married and because i want to become a doctor. those things take time. i mean a lot of time, and i could be spending that time somewhere else, loving someone, serving god. i don't know. all i know that is that i don't want to miss the train because i was waiting for something or someone. and is that wrong to want to get married first and then do all of the things that i want to do? i mean i want my wife to share in all of those experiences because how much more rich and fulfilling would those experiences be with her there. i guess it comes down to the fact that i am worried that i am waisting my life right now because i am not doing much. i feel like i could be doing so much more. i have so much more potential that i am not walking toward. this may sound strange, because it is strange to say, but i don't think that i ever want to be satisfied, because then i might not want anymore, i might not want to strive to be better, i might become complacent...........