thinking out loud

bare with me as i think out loud...it may not come out exactly right, but i will use my words as best as i can...here we go: do you ever notice that anything that you want to do that is good is hard? i mean like i want to be a doctor, i can't really tell you why, i just do. it's just what is in me to do. i just feel like that is what i was created to do(at least, i feel this way now, things may change, we'll see). but that is a frickin hard thing to do. i mean i had to go to college, and now i have to appy to med school, scratch that, i have to apply and get in, then i have to go through med school and graduate, only to spend years in a residency. all that so i can be a doctor. why couldn't i have been meant to be a musician, or a skateboarder, or a lottery winner? along those lines, i want to go to other countries and practice medicine. i want to bring medicine and food and clean water to the poorest of the poor, which is a difficult thing to do initofitself. so i want to be a missionary doctor, of sorts, i guess you could say. but i look down that road and see difficulty, struggle, failure, but that is the road that is before me, so i must walk, right? i don't know. i mean i'm aiming to change the world here, but who knows how far i will get, if i will get anywhere. and i would like to have a partner in all of this, which is another ginormously difficult task. to find someone that is all the things that i want, and for me to be all the things that she wants, and for us to be those things at the same time, and for us to meet at that time, what are the odds? it seems like another daunting task. but i don't know if i can do what i want to do without her. in fact, i would dare to be so bold as to say that i won't do all of the things or be all of the things without her. so there it is all these ideas/desires that are intertwined/intermingled/woven together that occupy my intellect far too often.

it seems silly, sometimes, these romanticized ideas
they play like a movie in the black space that occupies my process
do i romanticize them, or has the world been selling lies
i would dare to say the latter is the fact
in no manner am i saying it's fluid,
exhausting, more appropriate
so i push on to push for something more
along the way maybe we'll collide