tired

i struggle. and i struggle some more. it seems like life is a continuing struggle. sometimes it isn't a huge struggle, but it is still present. and other times it seems as though it is a huge struggle. why. why does it always have to be a struggle. i am tired. i am tired from struggling. i need rest. i need to be restored. i need to be healed. but i don't know how. i try to be obedient and not worry about the reasons for things, but some days. it is all i can do to not cry. but i don't want to be ungrateful. i am blessed. and i am thankful. but i want so much more. i want it all. i so long for what i dream of. but dreams seem to be just that, dreams. and they don't seem to have anything to do with reality. i don't know. i am just tired. i want life to be an adventure, not a struggle. i want it to be hard and rewarding. i guess i just have to be patient and wait for the reward. i might not see in this life time. set my heart on things above. it is about the process, not the destination. well, here i am in the process.